Hey there my lovelies,
Welcome back to my Blog!
Happy New Year my lovelies! I truly hope that this year brings forth nothing by happiness 🙂 We really do need a break from the past two years! (I sure can!), We sure can do our utmost to make sure the year is a happy one – ofc not taking into consideration life curve balls!
So here we are part 3 of these ‘not everyone’s cup of tea’ heart to heart, to which I thank all so much for the feedback and also the love, you know it means a real deal to me because getting here was not an easy journey! I do feel that I am far off from being totally in that self-love comfort zone, as when the mind takes over it is so hard to shake off those feelings.
To pick up where I left it off in the previous two posts, let’s continue exploring the subject because as you can imagine once you start expanding on the subject, it just keeps growing and growing into other different topics. However, before I continue if anyone missed out on my previous two posts, you can click here and here now to go and check the first two installments before continuing with this post. Today we are exploring:
Techniques Without a Sex Toys
Now that you have read part 1 and part 2 you should have clearer know-how as to what turns you on, and please do make sure that you have spent the time to get to know yourself. It is daunting I know but it all starts with getting to know yourself without inhibitions. The positive of this knowledge is that you can edit these techniques to fit your preference, by altering the speed, pressure, and rhythm of the movement. Diversity is also key, so try each technique out more than once but then see how it feels to mix the movements up, spend a few minutes doing one motion and switch it to another. Your hand will eventually feel very natural and you will create your own sensations and techniques.
There are various options you can start off with, there are ways you can orgasm without touching yourself or even taking your clothes off. One thing to remember that we seldom forget is that the nerves of the clitoris spread around your vulva and up to the pubic mound, so putting pressure on this area is a great way to start masturbating.
You can use a pillow, a soft toy, or something like the edge of the bed or sofa. Rubbing up and down it, with a harder or larger part of the object, directed at your clitoris will start to feel really good. You can control the speed, pressure, and position as you like.
I started using this technique as it’s easy to do and I do not feel shy about it, it’s great for anyone who feels direct touch to the clitoris or vulva is too sensitive, or feels pain or discomfort touching their body directly. I also love to combine it with the other moves for extra sensation and it can replicate some of the feelings you get from having sex with another person.
Circling the Clitoris
Once you’re familiar with the external forms of masturbation, you can start to get to know the clitoris. It might be a little difficult to know exactly where to touch at first, but you will quickly feel that there is an extra sensitive area on the upper part of your vulva.
Using your middle or index finger and a little lubricant, if you have it, find your clitoris and start to lightly circle it. This is a great way to begin to increase the blood flow to this area and ‘awaken’ your sexual organs. It might take a while to feel something pleasurable, especially if you’re not mentally aroused yet, so be patient and don’t expect orgasms immediately, it just takes some time.
Once you are starting to feel aroused, you might start to feel your clitoris become harder and larger, this is because the blood is flowing to it. You can speed this motion up, slow it down, do larger or smaller circles and you can add a fast tapping motion to change up the feeling. Diversity of movement helps increase pleasure.
Scrolling the Vulva
Once you’re comfortable with circling and tapping your vulva, move your finger down the middle of your labia. Imagine you’re scrolling using a trackpad on your laptop. Use that rhythmic motion to trace the inner labia all the way down to the entrance of your vagina, then come back up and circle your clitoris again. Think of this as teasing your vagina. You’re almost going in, but just as you’re about to, you pull away. This will build a little excitement and increase the sensation even more.
You can change up the feeling by introducing a second or even third finger, using one finger down the middle of the labia and the other one or two on each labia. After some time of doing this, your vulva may start to produce lubricant from the upper vaginal wall, between your inner labia. You can use this lubricant to increase the pleasure even more, by moving your finger through it and bringing it up to the clitoris, and circling and tapping it more.
‘Come Here’ Move
If you’re feeling very aroused, it might be time to introduce some light vaginal stimulation. If it’s the first time inserting a finger inside your vagina, don’t worry, as long as you’re relaxed and you’ve warmed your body up with clitoral and vulva stimulation, your body will (in most cases) be ready for insertion. This is a great time to use lubricant if you weren’t before, or use your natural lubricant if you’re already wet.
The vagina is designed so that when your body relaxes and sends a signal to the brain that you’re sexually aroused, it helps to open up and expand the vagina. It may feel a little tight but it shouldn’t be painful. If you begin to touch yourself and you feel burning or pain, don’t push further, it may be medical and I would suggest that you go see a doctor or gynecologist.
If you’re feeling good, you can use your fingers to curl up into a motion like you’re asking someone to come to you. This curled position means you can reach the g-zone inside the vagina easier as it is located on the upper wall of the vagina. Slowly insert one finger, making sure you feel good, and you can begin to lightly move the finger in and out of the vagina, making sure to come up to the clitoris often and be engaging both the vagina and clitoris. If this feels really good, you can use two fingers for more sensation.
Practice in the Mirror
Getting to know and accept your body and vulva is a great way to become more sexually confident and better at pleasuring yourself. Practicing in front of a mirror might sound strange or awkward at best, but it allows you to see what you’re doing, learn more about what feels good (so you can pass that information on to others *wink*), and help you start to see yourself and your body as something worthy of being sexual. It can also be a huge turn-on! This will take time and it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with it, do it at your own pace, at your own time! But it can be an amazing experience.
Masturbation is Personal, So Do What Feels Good For You!
My final thought to you as I always mention is that masturbation is meant to be fun, so don’t take it too seriously. It takes a long time to fully get in touch with your body, especially if you have been shy and ashamed all your life. It took me 20 years to get here and like many, I am still learning but for the past 2 years, I am getting more in touch with how to really pleasure myself with my fingers. If you’re not there yet, don’t worry, just do what feels good. If that’s grinding on a pillow, squeezing your thighs together, or using your fingers, that is absolutely okay! Just keep practicing and be patient.
Oh wow another long one, but I am truly enjoying expanding on this topic! Of course, there is more from where this came from. Needless to say, I will make more updates, as I go along and as I continue to explore myself!
Trust me it has not been easy getting here and lately I have taken a pause on the self-exploration, I am once again in a place where I have my body and I am embarrassed to even be standing naked in front of the mirror. I have to remind myself that no one will love me more than me. I am with me for the long run and I am my longest relationship so I have to invest the time in me just as I invest my time towards my kid, my family, my house, my job and, my friends!
Moving forward I wish to know if there is something you wish me to tackle in my next post so I would love it if you could let me know here.
Until next time,
Categories: Heart to Heart Journey